It’s been several years since I wrote the first post for this blog. Why haven’t I written anything else? Well, it sure wasn’t because of a lack of ideas or topics. It also wasn’t because I was too busy. In fact, I’ve actually spent a lot of time thinking about what I wanted to write next. Too much time.
Hi. I’m Nicole and I’m a perfectionist.
To be honest I think I’ve had perfectionist tendencies since the day I was born. I’ve always felt a high from getting something right on my first try. Most of us probably do. Over the past decade or so, however, I’ve allowed those tendencies to take over. I’m not exactly sure when perfectionism went from being a nagging backseat driver in my life to the one in the driver’s seat. My educated guess is that it happened during the years I spent working a stressful corporate finance job.
I know that perfectionism doesn’t immediately sound like a bad thing. What could possibly be wrong with wanting anything and everything you do to end up being perfect, right? It doesn’t start to click until the day you realize that you still haven’t arrived at your intended destination. Worse, you haven’t even made it out of your driveway because you’re still trying to decide on the perfect route!
Many believe that perfectionism leads to procrastination and while that’s something I’m sure rings true for a lot of perfectionists out there, some researchers say it actually doesn’t hold true for the majority. My own personal revelation has been that, when it comes to creative pursuits, perfectionism almost always leads to stagnation; and that’s far worse than a little procrastination.
Procrastination generally means that you put off or avoid doing something for as long as possible, but it still gets done eventually. Stagnation, on the other hand, is a state of not flowing or moving. During stagnation there’s a lack of activity, growth or development in your life. You’ve grown beyond procrastination and are now in a perpetual state of standing still, not moving any closer toward your goals. You’re afraid that you won’t do the best possible job or that things won’t work out exactly the way you want them to, so you just keep postponing it until you can be more confident of your chances.
The problem with perfectionism is that the world doesn’t stand still just because you do. While you’re in your safe place figuring out the perfect approach to your goal, here’s what else is going on:
- You’re missing opportunities. There’ll be many opportunities that come your way in life but most will have a limited window for you to take advantage of them. Spend too long considering and second guessing yourself and you’ll find yourself missing out altogether.
- You’re not making decisions. Similar to opportunities, you’ll have many decisions to make in life. Your need to always make the absolute best choice can leave you stuck, paralyzed by indecisiveness and procrastination while your self esteem takes a beating.
- The rest of the word, for the most part, isn’t thinking about you. The cold, hard truth is that most of the world doesn’t know or care about your desire to be perfect (and never will).
This isn’t a lecture. I’m certainly in no position to give one of those. I myself am still navigating my way out of the perfectionist labyrinth. It’s been a long, difficult quest but I finally think I see the exit and I feel compelled to share what I’ve learned.
See, I finally understand why it’s been so hard for me to tap into my creativity and start new projects. It’s because I was paralyzed by a fear of not getting it 100% right. If I didn’t think I could do it perfectly, I didn’t even want to try. In my mind, the world was watching me, waiting with baited breath for the chance to laugh at and criticize me for any move I made that wasn’t a success. Those fear fueled thoughts crippled my motivation, smothered the fire of my enthusiasm and stifled my creativity for years.
I now recognize that I’ve allowed my ego driven imagination to have power over me and my life for far far too long. Especially when none of it was actually real!
Sure, there are probably one or two people out in the world who wouldn’t mind seeing me fall flat on my face, but I know for a fact that there are far more who believe in me and can’t wait to see what amazing things I do next. And in reality, those are really the only opinions I should be worrying about.